1. Buffett’s favorite food is …
C’mon Warren, we have a reputation to keep!
2. Buffett has pledged most of his wealth to charity
Buffett has pledged, not 25%, or 50%, or even 75%, but 99% of his wealth to charity! And on top of it, Buffett has the audacity to ask the other masters of the universe to do the same!
If we, the rich, go bankrupt, you Mr. Buffett, will be solely to blame.
3. Buffett’s kids won’t get to run Berkshire Hathaway
Since Buffett has pledged most of his wealth towards philanthropic causes, that leaves his kids very little, relatively speaking. None of Buffett’s kids will get to rule over Berkshire Hathaway after him.
Both the Murdoch family and the Walton family strongly disapprove of this practice.
4. Warren Buffett pays less taxes than his secretary
5. Warren Buffett is asking the US to tax him more!
When companies like Blackwater and Haliburton are moving overseas to escape the heavy burden of US taxes, you are asking for a tax rate as high as your secretary’s? Are you nuts?! Mr. Buffett, don’t destroy everything we’ve worked so hard for.
Lobbying isn’t easy or cheap.
6. Buffett doesn’t stand by his closest friends
The friendship between Buffett and Gates is legendary and almost natural. Two of the world’s wealthiest men, both democrats, both share similar interests… Yet, Buffett didn’t invest a penny in Microsoft stock. Despite Microsoft being one of the largest, wealthiest corporations in the world and despite Gates’ insistence, Buffett decided to pass. photo
Gates sobbed silently that night.
You’ve let down your family *and* friends Mr. Buffett.
7. Buffett is dismissive of gold
It gets dug out of the ground in Africa, or someplace. Then we melt it down, dig another hole, bury it again and pay people to stand around guarding it. It has no utility. Anyone watching from Mars would be scratching their head.
Seriously Mr. Buffett? Mars?
8. Buffett is a hypocrite
9. Buffett refuses to stimulate the economy
Buffett could hire a hundred chauffeurs if he so wished, yet insists on driving by himself. Needless to say the Sit-tight Chauffeur Association of the Rich and the Famous (S.C.A.R.F) are not pleased. They have mouths to feed and bills to pay.
10. Buffett is an anachronism
Richard Branson of the Virgin Group is building a spaceship for sub-orbital flights, Jeff Bezos of Amazon is building a space facility and was recently awarded a grant by NASA, Sergey Brin is investing in Space Adventures, that pioneered space tourism for the rich and wealthy.
Warren Buffett recently made a $34 Billion purchase of Burlington Northern, a railroad company.
When asked to comment, an anonymous rich, while waiting for his valet to fetch his Bugatti, had this to say about Buffett’s contrarian play:
“I don’t want to dignify that with a comment”
Photo copyright: Universal Pictures
Disclaimer: Parody folks, free speech, satire and and all that!