If Apple Were A Search Engine Company…

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All new sites must be submitted to our Site Approval Queue™ to be considered for indexing

We approve as quickly as 45 days or less

Once approved, upon adding, editing or removing a page from your site, the site must be re-submitted for approval. The same approval process applies

Your site must’ve been built with Objective HTML™ using XCode and Safari. Using other tools to build your website will result in dropping your site from our index

Flash content is strictly forbidden

Apple reserves the right to 30% of the revenue generated by your website

When using Apple Search™, you must agree to our Terms and Conditions each time it is updated which is once every 2 weeks


Nudity and porn are strictly forbidden. Strategically pixelated images are fine


Your website must not be critical to Apple or it’s interests. Glowing reviews are always welcome


We reserve the right to arbitrarily change our Terms and Conditions anytime we choose

Thank you for choosing Apple Search™!

Parody, parody, parody! Hey Apple, don’t send me a C&D notice! And if you are secretly working on a search engine, don’t permanently ban MoneyCone from your index! :)

And for the rest of you fine folks, MoneyCone is now readable on the iPhone and the iPad!

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26 thoughts on “If Apple Were A Search Engine Company…

  1. Haha.. if Apple were a search company http://bit.ly/hk7Ikk

  2. If Apple Were A Search Engine Company… #technology http://bit.ly/gXERpp

  3. RT @techdelight: If Apple Were A Search Engine Company… #technology http://bit.ly/gXERpp <– soooo true #apple-sucks

  4. RT @techdelight: If Apple Were A Search Engine Company… #technology http://bit.ly/gXERpp | LoL Cool!

  5. http://bit.ly/dXN5M4 if apple were a search engine company!! nice 1!!

  6. Such perfect timing! My husband just bought an iPad for me last night, and I was rather annoyed to find I couldn’t even access my own website. Well, I have two, actually, (one standard, one Flash) for this very reason. In order to view the Flash website, I would have to purchase a $24.00 app that would allow me to view Flash. So, I think it’s safe to say that most people with an iPad won’t be visiting my main site. :(

  7. I have a friend who recently created an app for his book, and went through the same thing. But I don’t blame them, if it makes my phone crash less, I’m happy.

  8. RT @AmerSweidan: If #apple were a search engine http://bit.ly/g0ewvR lol

  9. If Apple Were A Search Engine Company… http://bte.tc/f5Zh #RTW

  10. Very funny, and scary at the same time!

    Don’t tell anyone, but I’m a techie that doesn’t have an Apple iphone yet (let alone an Ipad).

  11. I don’t know…sounds a lot like the direction Google is going!

  12. If Apple Were A Search Engine Company http://goo.gl/KrcUo

  13. RT @avadhutsawant: If Apple Were A Search Engine Company http://goo.gl/KrcUo

  14. If Apple was a search engine it would definetly have that policy ))) May be that’s why they don’t get down to this business. Otherwise they wouldn’t have any usrs =)) However, I don’t understand how people can use iPhone on that conditions either.

  15. Haha. Well, good thing they don’t have 100% market share. ;)

  16. Hysterical and so true. There is a reason we have no apples in our house and I don’t use I-tunes. I really don’t like how difficult they make it to transfer music files to a new computer and back things up. I’m glad they are leading the market in innovation and they have such a big fan base to support their R+D budget, but their insistence on exclusivity one sole sourcing to only their stuff is beyond annoying.

  17. @FGA: I’m an Apple fan (PC users, please don’t leave!!), but iTunes is one app I could never get to like!

    @MR: I don’t have an iPhone either (and I call myself a fanboy!) – get yourself a iPod touch instead!

    @LadyMint: Apple – users love them, developers hate them.

    @Jessica: Apple will never allow flash to run on iPad. Adobe/Apple honeymoon’s long over! Apple has a history of doing this to their partners. Just ask Motorola!

    @Steve Jobs: Thanks for stopping by!

  18. RT @taranfx: If Apple Were A Search Engine Company… http://bit.ly/g0ewvR

  19. If Apple would have been the search engine then.. all would have been Like ….

    I still love Apple for Iphones and other tech gadgets..but i think Lets Google be the Search Engine.. plzzz

  20. Great points, let’s hope Steven P. Jobs doesn’t raid your house like that poor guy from Gizmodo. :)

  21. I’m sure their adwords equivalent would be twice as expensive as Google’s too!

    I’m always surprised by how popular Apple remain. So many people seem so willing to throw their money away on their products which are rarely any better than similar non-branded ones that cost so much less.

    It can’t just be about fashion, surely?

  22. HAHAHAHAHA! I especially like the one about waiting 45 days for approval.

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